— Dark Count! Inian! — the deserted corridor swallowed up the scream, as if it had never existed. No echo, no sound in response. He froze. Half an hour ago, his partners went to check the road, to find out if there was any HIS. They’re probably dead now. At best, they managed to erase the histories of their browsers, at worst… At worst, Sarik turned on “Mafia” for them and forced them to watch. Did his terrible job. What’s that rustling noise ahead?? The man pressed himself against the wall, frantically clutching the Logan disc in his sweaty hand. Holy dog handlers, can this toy protect against.. HIM? HE stronger. HIS supported by the Ministry of Culture of the Russian Federation. Somewhere ahead there are new victims – the Dark Count and Inian. The man peered intently into the ominous darkness of the corridor. There, in the depths of the apartment, lurked EVIL. If it weren’t for this stupid movie, everyone would be alive. He said, he said from the very beginning that you can’t go to this film. He felt. And now… now… Our trouble is that we underestimated HIS. It seems to us that if something doesn’t look like Hollywood comic book movies, it means it’s obviously dumber. Fatal Delusion. It cost the lives of more than one and a half million people. We decided that SARIK stupider US. Terrible mistake. The director who cursed our heads. And all this bastard movie. If it weren’t for the movie… The man quietly, trying not to make the slightest rustle, moved along the corridor. He needs to survive. Necessarily. In a month, without waiting for a fresh blog, site visitors will sound the alarm. And in another month they will try to find him. We need to get to the cryochambers. They are airtight. Sarik will not be able to get there. He turned the corner. Looked around. Nobody. Not a rustle, not the voices of Elena Temnikova from ST. You have to be careful, in such darkness Sariki can hide as easily as a bottle of Ochakovsky in his pocket. You have to be very careful. On the opposite wall there was a large inscription: “Go to the cryochambers there, and I’m a very useful plot sign.”. He grew up here. For a year and a half, this site became his home. He slowly moved on, trying to put his boots on the full sole, making sure not to catch any debris. It was difficult. The floor was literally littered with discs from the film "Mugs". God, what was going on here when people finally realized what this movie was all about?. He grinned evilly. Curiosity. The eternal human vice is curiosity. We’re just COULD NOT don’t watch this movie. A disk with additional power crunched loudly under my foot. materials for “Defenders”. The man froze, standing on one leg and raising the other up. I heard? Farting sounds behind your back? FARTING SOUNDS BEHIND BACK. The man’s face contorted with fear. He turned around sharply, picking up the Logan disc. And I saw… From the ceiling, whispering about the Russian mentality in “Defenders,” descended THIS. IT it looked like a person. Body, two arms, two legs. Only instead of a head there was a crappy CGI head of a bear, with textures falling into the neck. IT threw mud at Wes Anderson and dreamed of a sequel to “American Heist”. The man screamed. He was found! There was no point in hiding anymore. If Sarik notices you, that’s it. End. He’ll tell you why The Defenders is great until you believe it yourself. And then – the death of your cinematic taste. He threw a disk with Logan at Sarik. The disk pierced the body, tearing out a hefty piece of low-quality graphite. Kumiss sprayed from the gaping wound. A poisonous white stream hit the floor and hissed, bubbling, turning the parquet into a stinking slurry. Sarik squealed shrilly, shouting something about insects. A man started throwing discs with Marvel films. More. More. Until the first phase ends. Sarik’s legs gave way and he collapsed to the floor. RUN! NOW JUST RUN! The man knew: attracted by the smell of high-quality comic book films, whole hordes were rushing here ALIENS. He turned around and flew down the corridor. Kitchen, toilet, cryochambers. At full speed, the man tripped and fell to the floor. Two bodies stretched out in front of him. Bodies of the Dark Earl and Inian. Crazy smiles trembled on their faces. Both watched What Men Do 2 and laughed uncontrollably. "So, so. – the man stood up. – So, we got to them too."He carefully walked around the bodies of his partners and moved towards the cryochambers. "Now alone, all alone. A few months alone, locked in a cryochamber, unable to blog and waiting in the wings. Holy Celebrych, help me. "Closing the cryochamber door behind him, the man sadly looked around the apartment. Farewell, StopGame… Farewell, Cinema community. The man was twenty-two and was a film blogger for the website Stop. Game. Dot. RU. The apartment where site fans were located was listed in the address book under the address “Nostromovo”, apartment LV-426, building 2.
Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Saga. sunset dawn. Part 58. Episode 296. New hope. Return of the prodigal kkkkk quality contentJune 27. 2017. Corporate apartment of users of the site “StopGame”.ru"
The autocutter slashed the steel cladding of an apartment door as easily as Bioware cut through the nerves of Konstantin Trostenyuk. The sparks flew like a swift jack into the bluish twilight of the apartment, and if this could have been observed by anyone else other than the dog handlers’ on-board computer, then the sight would probably have made an indelible impression. A piece of the door crashed to the floor, creating a cloud of dust. Reddish clouds of smoke rose from its hot edges. A robot with a scanner attached to it crawled into the opening. Thin laser beams probed the apartment. The location of objects, the presence of living beings, possible danger, humidity, temperature… All this data entered the computer, which, after carefully chewing the information, displayed a laconic inscription on the monitor:
No danger.
The computer processed new data.
"Organic life discovered. Humanoid. Is in a state of alcoholic intoxication and suspended animation. No danger.»
The robot crawled to the side, letting new visitors through. Three massive figures, clad in Shephard-class protective suits, entered the apartment. The one who walked in front stopped, looking around the cramped room. He quickly walked up to the cryochamber and with a sharp movement wiped off a thick layer of dust from the protective cap of the cryochamber. A metal plate with text on it was attached to the glass of the camera. The title read "Honor and remember the commandment of a true film critic". He looked closely at the text under the title. It was written there:
I do not write with my hand: he who writes with his hand has forgotten his father’s face. I write with my heart.
I do not criticize with my hand: he who criticizes with his hand has forgotten the face of his father. I criticize with my mind.
I do not kill with hate: the one who kills with hate has forgotten the face of his father. I kill with constructive criticism
A young guy was lying in a cryochamber. The computer was not wrong. He was in a state of deep suspended animation.
The man sighed and pulled the respirator off his face.
-“Well, it looks like he’s alive,” his partner turned to him, in turn removing the uncomfortable mask from his face. – You see, he breathes fumes on the glass.
-Yes, – confirmed the elder. – Which means he will still get up from his lazy seat and write a new blog. He will also come up with a new section, because when you run out of ideas, you need to come up with new sections
He was quite a young guy, this older one. It performed the function of searching for lazy bloggers who left Stopgame and did not write anything on blogs for a long time. He heard that this particular blogger was a universal critic, but it is unknown why he disappeared. The apartment was listed as part of the “Kinematograph” community, and the man resting in the sarcophagus was one of the main figures in the community, a blogger named Ripley Bolshakov.
So hello.
Well, I kind of worked very hardcore so as not to be a beggar, and then I was swallowed up by routine and something like this. Anyway, I’ll try to improve and give birth to something worthwhile every two weeks. To everyone who expected new achievements from me – sorry, I’m ashamed, seriously. Anyone who cared, you still don’t care, so forget it.
Adnaka, a categorical belated greeting, with you is that dude whom no one remembers anymore. As we all know, if a person returns to stopgame after a long break, then he either begins to create severely inadequate and grab the cons, or the flywheel of QKKKKQUALITY CONTENT starts again. Let’s try to stir up the second one. Am I really going to finish writing a blog about Transformers?? Or maybe I’ll start keeping my promises? Of course not, I’m going to create a new column, because nothing is more invigorating than new columns filled with sparkling humor, memes, references to the ancient tale and grammatical errors. Have you ever wondered how this or that film comes about?? Not just “They took it and removed it,” but a certain chain of decisions that led to a certain result. We all hate Die Hard 5. This is mediocrity squared, this is the ruined hopes of fans, this is a completely commercial product. But. BUT. Why is that so?? Did none of the creators really want it to turn out well?? What decisions led to this result?? Let’s find out! Welcome, applaud the new section, a section in which I will talk about how, why and why this or that film appeared, and what came of it. Brief, but informative, no mountains of text. Turn on the drum roll, organ grinder, because meet.
A guide to useless facts – how, why and where the film “Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die” came from
The beginning of the beginning or a short confusing excursion into the origin of strong nuts
You probably don’t know, but Bruce Willis shouldn’t have carried out the massacre at Nakatomi Plaza and saved John McClane’s wife. I’ll say more – he shouldn’t have played in Die Hard at all. The writer Roderick Thorpe, who wrote the novel “Nothing Lasts Forever” in the late seventies, which was, by the way, a sequel to the book “Detective,” hoped that in the film adaptation of “Nothing Lasts Forever” – the future “Die Hard”, the same person who played in the film adaptation of “Detective” would play, namely… you’re about to be stunned, seriously… FRANK SINATRA. It was he who played the ordinary New York cop John Leland in “Detective,” a real blockbuster released in 1966 and a wild success at the box office. It’s quite logical, especially considering the fact that the role of Leland is considered one of the best in Sinatra’s career, and “Detective” earned money. However, Sinatra was no longer a boy, and the plot of “Nothing Lasts Forever” suggested action, massacres and generally running around with shootouts to the maximum, so he decided to refuse, so as not to disturb his old age with these action films of ours. But the rights to the book had already been bought, the flywheel of repression began to work, so the producers decided to turn the story about an elderly policeman saving his daughter into a story about a policeman saving his wife. Well, the title turned from the rather cumbersome “Nothing Lasts Forever” into the good old “Die Hard” (Actually “Die Hard”, but you understand what I mean.) And they proposed a new concept to all possible action icons of the eighties, from Arnold Schwarzenegger to Harrison Ford.
Looking from our bell tower, it’s quite difficult to understand why action stars literally flatly refused to film. Perhaps the idea of turning the sequel to “Detective” into an action movie seemed crazy (And “Detective” was, what a twist, it was a detective story), perhaps a skyscraper seemed not such an epic place for the confrontation between universal German evil and an ordinary guy with a gun, or maybe our favorite action heroes were just stupid and young. But the fact remains that no one wanted to go to “Nothing Lasts Forever”. And either out of grief, or out of despair, the producers hired Bruce Willis, who at first glance was not at all suitable for the role of a cop who had seen some guano – at that time Willis was known as the star of the comedy-detective series “Moonlight Agency”, and in general he was usually called for comedy roles. But Bruce did not disappoint. Of course, a huge part of the success was due to the quality of the original book (And the book is really good, check it out at your leisure) and the excellent direction of John McTiernan, which made the film a timeless classic of the genre. But it was Bruce Willis who became the soul and heart of the film. You can completely forget the film, you can even forget the plot, but you will never forget the frightened eyes of McClane, who came to get a good drink of alcohol, and found himself in the midst of a monstrous massacre. I don’t know if Peanut would have been better if McClane had been played by Schwarzenegger, but it was Willis who was able to create the image of a character for whom you will clench your fists until the very end.
By the way, Willis was not on the posters for the first film, because the producers believed that Willis’s popularity as a comic actor would scare viewers away from watching.
Galloping across Europe or https://eu-casino.co.uk whatever it was up to the fifth part
Two years after the first part, a sequel is released, where Bruce Willis is finally entrenched in our hearts as the rescuer of everyone and everything from the villainous villains. Unexpectedly, the sequel turns out to be also based on a book, namely on the novel “58 Minutes” by Walter Wager, which tells about the rescue of the Washington airport from yet another terrorists. As with Thorpe’s book, the writers replaced the main character with McClane, keeping the book’s main passages and dialogue intact. Wager was known to American audiences from the 1977 film adaptation of his novel “Telephone,” where Charles Bronson played an agent of the bloody KGB.
The first nuts in 1988 brought the FOX studio a fabulous 140 million dollars, but for the opportunity to watch McClane kick ass for the second time, viewers in 1990 paid 240 million. And it was much more than the most optimistic analysts expected. And it was thanks to this that the director of “Die Hard 2” Renny Harlin (Whom you can read about on my blogs, son, boom, boom, I’m advertising myself, I’ve slipped) was given the opportunity to shoot the hundred-million-dollar colossus “Cutthroat Island,” the failure of which destroyed the Carolco studio, which was supervising the film.
“Die Hard” continued to bring in fabulous money. Released in 1995, Die Hard with a Dark Side earned $370 million despite many difficulties during filming and became one of the highest-grossing films of that year. The threequel was written by Jonathan Hansley, which forced McClane to rush around New York in a fight against time and racist stereotypes. This was the original story, later reworked as “Nut”, because it was the only script that suited Willis himself, who at that time was experiencing healthy bouts of star fever. And for the same reason, Willis was not particularly eager to star in a quadriquel, because he is ACTUALLY AN ACTOR, AND ANY FOOL CAN RUN ALONG THE SCREEN WITH A GUN, and in general the third part was not particularly well received by the people. What to do? That’s right – wait for the normal scenario. We had to wait until 2001, when a certain David Marconi gave birth to a project under the not particularly pretentious (sarcasm) name “WW3.com", which tells about a cyber attack on American infrastructure. If you don’t remember, it was in 2001 that September 11th happened, the people were depressed, and Bruce Willis didn’t save anyone, so the script was shelved until better times.
The best times came many years later, when Bruce’s bald head had already begun to cover with dust, he urgently needed a shake-up and a blockbuster in general, so that the fans would squeal and the money would drip. Quite significant changes were made to the script, Willis was now saving not only America, but also his daughter, and even his hacker son turned into just a leftist hacker. Who could claim to be the daughter of the great McClane? Of course, such acting gurus as Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears, I’m telling you this seriously – it happened and. Let’s say thank you to the producers, because we still got Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who is Ramona, a sweetheart and generally a beauty for all time. Well, the left hacker was played by Justin Long, because in the role of McClane’s son he would have looked very, very strange. Len Wiseman was entrusted with filming the whole thing, providing him with a considerable budget and creative freedom. The stakes were high, because Willis was no longer a cake at that time, and Wiseman was only known for the not very successful series “Another World”, which never laid claim to great profits.
McClane certainly improved his immortality, but he certainly didn’t turn into a mind-blowing death machine
But here are some figurines for you! Wiseman never let us down, delivering a high-octane action movie with jokes, graffiti, Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Call Me) and stunts. This case earned $380 million, which was a huge success for a franchise in which the last film was released 12 years ago. And given the fact that the public was simply tired of Willis at that time, the success was absolutely stunning, magnificent, delightful, amazing. And if people are still hogging it, why not make a fifth part?? Mmmm? Why not? What could go wrong? WHAT COULD GO WRONG, REALLY?! No, no, no, no, I won’t bomb, honestly, I’ll analyze.
An old horse, a young mediocrity and the land of balalaikas
In those distant and bright times, when the screenwriters were working on the fourth part of Die Hard, they were sure that the viewer was tired of the good old broads, and computer wars were our cinematic future, where soldiers with machine guns would be only minor figures, and brave hackers would save the world. Practice has shown that viewers are still interested in old-fashioned guys with guns, who by 2010 had also become relevant, thanks to “The Expendables” and the renewed fashion for blockbuster action films. Accordingly, plans for Justin Long to be the main character in the fifth part disappeared by themselves. Yes, McClain is tired, but he is still ready to defend these American values with a gun at the ready. But not alone – he’s too old, but in society… and at least his son! Let the two of them shred the evil spirits, and solve family problems and the crisis “I’m tired of all this crap”.
The skeleton of the future hit was ready. The younger McClain gets into trouble, the older one helps him out to the accompaniment of explosions, gunshots, Yulia Snigir’s breasts and other sodomy. At first glance everything is very cool. What will make shooting games even cooler?? Interesting setting. As you and I know, all the world’s evil and diabolism lie in one terrible place, a place where the eternal Fallout takes place, bears sport fashionable CGI, and the president eats babies. It was Russia. Which FOX management did not hesitate to call the Soviet Union in one of its interviews, apparently subtly hinting that COLD THIEF, COLD THIEF FROM NEVER CHANGE. The solution is far from the most obvious, but it is logical – McClane remembers the Cold War, therefore he will not feel sorry for these Russians of yours, and the American viewer will rejoice at the fumes of patriotism. And here you may have a logical question – who is smart enough to screw up McClane’s Moscow adventures?? Texas screenwriter Skip Woods, known for trash talk of varying degrees of wretchedness and undying hatred of our country. Why would Fox call such a person, known primarily for low-grade work?? It’s interesting here.
a) He is a VERY cheap screenwriter. Almost two cans of beer and he’s yours.
b) His films were profitable even though they were critically panned
c) How can you not let such a cutie write the script for a legendary franchise?? He’s like Mickey Rourke, but not as beaten up.
Let’s take it as an axiom – studios don’t care about films. It’s important for studios that these films make money. In the case of Die Hard, timing also played a huge role. By 2013, Bruce Willis had slipped into the state of a second Nicolas Cage, his films failed one after another, and legends began to circulate about his grumpy character. The Foxes were still interested in Oreshok, but they understood perfectly well that the risks needed to be minimized, therefore the costs of the creative department should be minimal, all the money was in the grafon, all in the shoots.
Here you can tell me “THE BUDGET WAS 92 MILLION, THE GUYS INVESTED SO MUCH”. What can I tell you – it’s not that much money. It was clear to everyone that the nuts would not fail at the box office, plus most of the budget was invested in rides and shoots, and it’s far from a fact that these are real numbers.
Bruce Willis himself wanted Len Wiseman to direct the fifth part, but at that time the director was already hard at work on the remake of Total Recall. By 2011, the search for a director had dragged on for a long time and Noam Murro, the future creator of the sequel “300 Spartans”, joined the project, but ran away, because the Spartans promised great prospects. As a result, a rather controversial decision was made – to call director John Moore, who became famous for “Behind Enemy Lines” and a couple of films of a lower rank, for the role. This decision was determined primarily by the fact that Moore knew how to do things cheaply and cheerfully, plus he knew how to present his films beautifully – well, admit it, the trailers for his films are always junk. And don’t forget, for all his shortcomings, John knows a lot about beauty. But still, the most important decision during filming was who would play John McClane Jr? Unexpectedly, not the last people fought for this right. Among the contenders were Aaron "SAENS, BEACH" Paul, Liam Hemsworth and even Justin Long. Even more unexpectedly, both the director and the studio liked Jai Courtney, at that time known as the gladiator Varro from the amazing “Spartacus.”. Now this decision looks as unreasonable as possible, but then Courtney was known as quite a strong supporting actor, skilled in both drama and action.
Quite funny, but despite the fact that the film takes place in Russia, the cast of domestic actors was minimal. As a villain, Moore considered purely actors with German roots (Because Hans Gruber, and apparently all Germans are capable of villainy), therefore the main bastard – extremist Komorov was played by Sebastian Koch, who at one time made a splash throughout the world with the drama “The Lives of Others” and “The Black Book”. The only exception was Yulia Snigir from the epic about the pink tank. Other roles were shared by actors of the “Damn, I’ve seen this guy somewhere” level.
Should we shoot a film about Russia in Russia?? Pffffffffff, expensive and not kosher at all. Some filming took place in Russia, but most of the material had to be filmed in Budapest for reasons of economy. Nobody bothered to remove the Hungarian inscriptions, but you can forgive them for this – it was expensive to remove the post-shoots. The Hungarians also provided a huge amount of military equipment for filming, an entire military training ground, and even allowed filming in the very center of Budapest. There is an opinion that ours would not agree to this. We were promised a grandiose and epic finale, which would show that Willis’s old ways were not going to fall off for many years to come. However…
It’s a good day to die
However, in pursuit of a cheap and cheerful spectacle, the Foxes missed a lot. What they missed is that a cheap screenwriter is not always a good one. From a financial point of view, he justifies himself, but Woods is often carried away in his writing, he never tried to build a clear structure, he always chased spectacular moments, which is why all his films fall into potentially spectacular sets of scenes, but withering under the general dullness of what is happening. The lack of minimum adequacy of the plot ruined all the creators’ attempts at the sincerity of the original. John Moore has long proven his ability to put together an unpretentious spectacle for the evening, but was Die Hard worthy of that?? Fox simply missed the point for which fans loved Die Hard – the element of compassion for the main character. John McClane was always a simple guy, he found himself in simple action situations that could have happened in real life, he got hurt, he suffered, that’s why we clenched our fists for him, hoping for victory. The very script structure of the previous parts suggested that we were looking not at another immortal bully, but at a person. Having poured the entire budget into the spectacle, they made a strong, but hopelessly stupid action film, which might have received a warmer reception if not for the good old “Die Hard” in the title. From a financial point of view, everything was fine – the studio released a continuation of the legendary franchise, it was difficult to resist watching, which brought the creators 300 million dollars and gave rise to work on the next part. And it’s time to answer the three questions that are an eyesore in the title.
Metaphorical FOX takes aim at metaphorical Die Hard franchise
Where: At the time of the start of work on the film, Fox was in a rather precarious position; they needed a win-win option that would bring in a lot of money. After digging around the bottom of the barrel they decided to shake the dust off McClain.
How: In great pain. There were terrible rumors that Bruce Willis sabotaged the filming, Jai Courtney didn’t really understand what he was playing in, the budget was in the region of 60 million, and John Moore tried not to bother as much as possible, concentrating on the action and cutting babosiks. Foxes gathered a bunch of people who were not particularly interested in quality, but were most interested in profit.
For what: Let’s say this word for the hundredth time – money. Nobody cared about the final product. It was clear to everyone that people would go see it, because the reputation of “Die Hard” spoke for itself – all the films before the release of the fifth part were good. Each in their own way, but still. “Die Hard 5” is that amazing example of a film in which everything was decided by commercial calculations, but not by the ambitions of the creators and the desire to do well.
Total: This is not hackwork in the usual sense. This is a deliberate disregard for the once great series of action films and a complete misunderstanding of what made the previous installments so good.
Next week we won’t waste our time on trifles, dad will roll out "How to Lose Friends" on Mount Verbinski. It will hurt.
